Navigation

Archive | The Lost PowerPoints

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Dostoevsky Edition)

By on October 30, 2006 in But is it art?, The Lost PowerPoints

DostoevskyNotes from the Underground (circa 1864)–> slide 1

  • I am a sick man…
  • I am a spiteful man.
  • I am an unpleasant man.
  • I think my liver is diseased.
  • Also, I’m not much fun at parties.

Crime and Punishment (circa 1866)–> slide 12

  • Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth.
  • Nothing easier than flattery.
  • Except maybe nonsense: wacka, wacka, woo!

The Idiot (circa 1868)–> slide 2

Lack of originality:

  • it’s everywhere, all over the world.

This lack is considered the foremost quality and the recommendation of men who are:

  • active
  • efficient
  • practical.

The Brothers Karamazov (circa 1880)–> slide 22

A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies:

  • unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else
  • ends up losing respect for himself and for others
  • can no longer love
  • indulges in the lowest form of pleasure
  • behaves like an animal in satisfying his vices
  • also ends up being a drag at parties.

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche presents that Dostoevsky dude (circa 1887)–> slide 4

  • regrettable that no Dostoevsky lived near Jesus
  • Dostoevsky was the only psychologist from whom I had anything to learn
  • wacka wacka woo!

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (King Kong Edition)

By on October 23, 2006 in Monkeys!, The Lost PowerPoints

King KongThoughts on Megaprimatus kong Interactions with Slender Attractive Young Women of Northern European Extraction (presented by Jan Kungheim, Professor of Correct Anthropology at the University of Appropriate Conduct, Helsinki) –> slide 6

  • it appears that physically enhanced primate from “Skull Island” is not inclined to dismember Ann Darrow
  • instead, the “Kong” (as it is known to the indigenous population of “Skull Island”) seems to enjoy Ms. Darrow’s light-colored hair that is common among populations in Northern Europe, Britain and North America. (And now in Japan with the introduction of L’Oreal.)
  • Ms. Darrow is not maintaining the neutrality we expect from expect from a student in anthropology at
    Cambridge
  • our project sponsor, “Carl Denham” says Ms. Darrow is “a natural”.

Ensign Stewart presents, What happened on Skull Island –> slide 4

  • chased the big ape carrying Miss Darrow
  • she’s lovely, that Miss Darrow
  • can’t blame the enormous gorilla, really, can I?
  • then we got shaken into the crevasse filled with creepy crawlies
  • have you ever seen a man killed by a three-foot louse?
  • then don’t judge me for wanting to shoot that feckin’ ape!

Ann Darrow, PhD student in anthropology, presents “My Kong” –> slide 12

  • My Kong is gentle
  • My Kong is kind
  • My Kong is more ape than ape-ropriate.

Jennifer Glam, anonymous blond in Carl Denham’s stage show, “The Eight Wonder of the World”, presents, Broadway –>slide 2

  • you must work very hard to get on stage on Broadway
  • or be a slut
  • either way, the monkey will throw YOU off its back
  • sometimes literally.

Julian presents “What the?”–>slide 5

  • one minute, I find a really nice bit of crumpet at the Shrine
  • the next, I’m being stung by tiny male crumpets
  • then I wake up in thick chains, and the crumpet is gone
  • who wouldn’t get pissed?

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Reign of Terror Edition)

By on September 5, 2006 in The Lost PowerPoints

The Reign of TerrorThe Duke of Brunswick presents “Pilfering” –> slide 2 (circa 1792)

  • Prussia doesn’t dig your “democracy”
  • Release Louis XVI
  • Reinstate him as your king
  • Or we will “pilfer” Paris

Maximilien Robespierre presents “The Committee of Public Safety” –> slide 4 (circa 1793)

  • With regret, Louis must die so the country can live
  • People are good and magistrates corruptible
  • You can’t have revolution without revolution
  • (Later, they will call these “soundbites”.)

Charlotte Corday presents “I’m not crazy” –> slide 6 (circa 1793

  • Jean-Paul Marat was a monster
  • I killed one man to save 100,000
  • Sure, Plutarch told me to stab him with a bread-knife, but I didn’t listen
  • Only a crazy person would try a bread-knife.

Robespierre presents “The Terror” –> slide 1 (circa September 5, 1793)

  • Enemies within our borders
  • Dissent is counterrevolution
  • Let me introduce you our solution, Madame Guillotine.

Madame Roland presents “Cooler, not Severed Heads” -> slide 2 (circa 1793)

  • The Revolutionary Tribunal has ordered an excessive number of decapitations
  • Including my own
  • Oh Liberty, what crimes are committed in thy name!

Inspired by:
September 5, 1793 — The day the French National Convention voted to implement terror measures to enforce the principles of the French Revolution, starting the Reign of Terror.

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Marquis de Sade Edition)

By on June 2, 2006 in The Lost PowerPoints

Marquis de SadeMarquis de Sade presents “My Earlier Years” (circa 1763) –> slide 2

  • educated by uncle, an Abbé
  • (he was later arrested in a brothel)
  • of course, went to Jesuit lycée myself
  • (all the best libertines are Jesuits).

Marquis de Sade presents “The Happy Times” (circa 1763-1777) –> slide 3

  • repeatedly abused servants (sexually, naturellement)
  • wife helped
  • went to Italy
  • escaped from the Fortress of Miolans
  • good times!

Jacque The Screw presents “Right Bastard” (circa 1778) –> (slide 3)

  • he was one of the prisoners at Vincennes dungeon
  • under death sentence for sodomy
  • tricked his way out of it
  • he kept pissing on my boots when I stood to close to his cell!

Citzen Sade presents “Literary Thoughts” (circa 1791) –> slide 2

  • Social order at the expense of liberty is hardly a bargain.
  • Now, pass me that riding crop.

Citizen Sade presents “Literary Thoughts” (circa 1793) –> slide 3

  • if you judge from notions expounded by theologians:
  • one must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell
  • now where did I put that butter?

Sade presents “My Time in Charenton Asylum” (circa 1812) –> slide 6

  • the director here lets me put on my plays
  • and carry on with thirteen-year-old Madeleine Leclerc
  • he does not run a Euclidian prison but a clitian one.

Last will and testament of Sade (circa 1814) –> slide 1

  • imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything
  • a dissolute imagination the like of which has never been seen
  • atheistic to the point of fanaticism
  • there you have me in a nutshell
  • oh, and the sodomy.

‘Inspired’ by: b-day of Marquis de Sade (June 2, 1740)

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (The Pill Edition)

By on May 10, 2006 in General Skwib, The Lost PowerPoints

Ortho-Novuu contraceptive pillsMargaret Sanger presents What Every Woman Should Know (circa 1921)–>slide 1

  • Ignorance of sex functions = unclean living
  • Need sex education
  • Plus books with … illustrations, she said knowingly.

Margaret Sanger presents What Every Woman Should Know (circa 1921) –>slide 6

  • Sexual impulse is the strongest of all creatures
  • Even accountants have “overflow” problems
  • Therefore, need contraception.

Johnson & Johnson presents Ortho-Novuu (circa 1964) –>slide 2

  • Better than Norinyl
  • (Cooler dispenser)

Judge William O. Douglas presents Griswold v. Connecticut (circa 1965) –>slide 3

  • Connecticut law prohibiting contraceptives is unconstitutional
  • Violates right to marital privacy
  • (And right to stress-free”wubblies”).

Rolling Stones groupie presents “Phew” (circa 1967) –>slide 2

  • Can enjoy “special time” with Mick
  • Not worry about having freakishly-lipped offspring.

Pope Paul VI presents Humanae Vitae (circa 1968) –> slide 1

  • sexual act must be for procreation of human life
  • interrupting generative process is unlawful
  • and, I don’t care if it’s “no fun”.

Andrea Dworkin presents Those Pill-aging Men (circa 1976) –>slide 3

  • oral contraceptives is an evil male invention
  • designed to facilitate male sexual freedom
  • negative impact on the health of women
  • and, I don’t care if it’s “no fun”.

Inspired by:
First commercially available oral contraceptives, this week in 1960

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (184 Proof Edition)

By on February 28, 2006 in The Lost PowerPoints

184-proof whiskeyTravel Writer Martin Martin presents Holy Crap! (circa 1695, slide 2)

  • Isle of Islay
  • Known for its peaty usquebaugh or “water of life”
  • Also have usquebaugh-baul: “perilous water of life.”

Travel Writer Martin Martin presents Holy Crap! (circa 1695, slide 3)

  • 184 proof
  • 92 percent alcohol
  • two spoonfuls can paralyze you.

Travel Writer Martin Martin presents Holy Crap! (circa 1695, slide 4)

  • powerful enough to affect all members of the body
  • you know what I mean.

Mark Reyneir, Manager Bruichladdich distillery presents: A bit of fun (circa now, slide 5)

  • making 184-proof again
  • ten years ’till done
  • not to be taken with any other medication
  • keep away from open flame.

Inspired by:
Distillery to revive 184 proof whiskey