Archive | The Lost PowerPoints

Pepper the Jack Russell presents “Throw the ball!” –> only one slide, but repeated until he’s unconscious

• Throw the ball!
• Throw the ball!
• Throw. The. Ball!!!!!!

Rufnorak the Rottweiler presents “My Jaws” –> slide 2

• I can make them go wide.
• I can fit your arm in my mouth, you know.
• Here let me show you
• Why you runnin’?

Satan the Squirrel presents “The Enemy” –> slide 6

• At this point they will be chasing you
• Get in a tree
• But not too high
• They really ate it when you say: “di-di-di-di-di” from a perch in a tree that’s juuuuust out of their reach.

Photo by Eviltwin

King Phillip II presents “The English Are Pigs” (circa 1588) –> slide 6

• Murdered Mary Queen of Scots
• Keep burgling my Possessions in the New World
• They smell like trotters
• (And worship Satan, according to my good buddy, the Pope).

Media Sidonia presents “But I don’t want to be an admiral” (circa 1588) –> slide 3

• I agree, English are perfidious scum
• Pirates
• Protestants
• But you know I get seasick.

Sir Francis Drake presents “Just bowl, damn your eyes!” (circa July 20, 1588) –> only slide

• Look, I’m playing bowls here
• We’ve already done them at Cadiz easily
• There’s lots of time to finish this end and beat the Spanish
• Now watch me touch the jack
• No, not you, you pillock, the little white ball!

Lord Howard of Effingham presents “That bloody pirate” (circa August 8, 1588) –> slide 2

• Yes, Drake did a nice job scattering the Spanish fleet with fire ships
• And he did well getting the weather gauge and beating them at Gravelines
• Shouldn’t have stopped his pursuit to capture the Spanish galleon ‘Rosario’, even if it was loaded with gold.

Spanish Sailor Sergio Manandez presents “Ireland looks good” (circa late August, 1588) –>only slide

• Made it around Scotland
• Hurricane
• Can’t swim
• No anchor
• Looking forward to running aground in Ireland
• I’ve heard they’re friendly.

Queen Elizabeth I presents “No guts, no glory” (circa August 8, 1588) –>slide six

• Joined you here in Tilbury
• To live or die with you
• Have body of weak woman
• But heart and stomach of a King
• (And you’ll recall my father had quite a stomach.)

Anniversary of the Battle of Gravelines (August 8, 1588), when English defeated the Spanish Armada …. Okay, partially defeated the Armada. The weather did the rest.

Emmanuel Joseph “Radicabbot” Sieyès presents “What is the third estate” (circa January, 1789) –> slide 1

• Everything
• “Whole Enchilada”
• In other words, the nation

Emmanuel Joseph “Radicabbot” Sieyès presents “What is the third estate” –> slide 2

• Yes, it’s ironic that I’m saying the other estates don’t matter, even though I’m an abbot, and a member of the First Estate
• But you have to admit I’m in the lower echelon of the First Estate
• And I’m radical dude
• Radical, dude!

Jacque Necker presents “Pink Slip Payback” (circa July 11, 1789) –> slide 2

• Not enough to fire me from exalted position as Finance Minister
• King has banished me to Basel!
• I wouldn’t mind so much if there was some money to go with the banishment.

Lucie Simplice Camille Benoist Desmoulins presents “Don’t worry about my silly name and stutter, they’ve banished Necker, and it’s a bad thing!” (circa July 12, 1789) –> slide 1

• To arms!
• They’re going to kill us re-re-formers!

Gunter Essiggurkestabber presents “Yah, ve ran!” –> only slide

• Royal-Allemand Cavalerie ist goot heavy cavalry
• Ya, mostly German-speaking
• And allergic to smelly Parisians
• (Especially when they pelt us with paving stones.)

Bernard-René de Launay, Governor of the Bastille, presents “What the…?” –> slide 6

• Um, the rioters seem to be in the outer courtyard
• They don’t have much gunpowder
• But the garrison is only 89 old toothless soldiers

Bernard-René de Launay, Governor of the Bastille, presents “What the…?” –> slide 7

• I think I’ll open the gates to the inner courtyard
• Save lives
• But I’ve got a bad feeling about it…

Desnot presents “In the groin” –> slide 1

• Yeah, Launay shouted “Enough! Let me die!”
• Then he kicked me in the croissants!
• Still, we shouldn’t have sawn off his head.

Storming of the Bastille: July 14, 1789, and kicked off the French Revolution.

Wellington’s frank presentation of facts to staff (June 17, 1815) –> slide 3

• Taken Quatre Bras
• Prussians lost at Ligny
• So, we’re buggered if we stay at Quatre Bras
• I guess it’s Waterloo then.

Wellington gives restrained and proper speech before the battle (June 18, 1815) –> slide 2

• I say, let’s give Bonny a good thrashing
• Pip, pip, and so on.

Wellington encourages generals –> slide 4

• Certainly, Napoleon is worth 40,000 extra troops
• Have no clear idea where Blucher and the bloody Prussians are
• On the other hand, I don’t know what effect our troops will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me.

Uxbridge reports to Wellington on how the heavy cavalry charge went –> slide 6

• The Household Brigade smashed through cuirassiers
• Destroyed Aulard’s Brigade
• Uh, then they kept going…
• So, Union Brigade bashed Bourgeois’s brigade
• Um, then they kept going …

Uxbridge reports to Wellington on how the heavy cavalry charge went –> slide 7

• And then Napoleon counter-attacked
• So, the upshot is, we’re out of heavy cavalry.

Blucher presents “now vat you say?” –> slide 2

• So here ve are, you poxy Frenchman
• Ya, here on your right flank
• Now who is crapping their lederhosen?

Napoleon presents “bugger” –> slide 6

• Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in
• Also applies to running away
• Perhaps I start again in America.

More Bonny Fun:
Napoleon Headsquisher
The Lost PowerPoints (Napoleonic Edition)
The Battle of Waterloo, June 18, 1815 [wiki]