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Archive | November, 2007

A Week of Emily Chesley

By on November 27, 2007 in But is it art?, Hinky History

The Meanderings of the Emily Chesley Reading CircleWriter, poet, social activist, explorer, aviatrix, and 92-year-old pole vaulter: Emily Chesley played many roles in her long and remarkable life. This week I will be posting abridged excerpts from her biography, Get Bent: Emily Chesley’s Life of Speculation, which recounts the humble beginnings and formative experiences of the Speculative Songstress Of The Southwest.

You can read the first half of her biography in The Meanderings of the Emily Chesley Reading Circle, available at Alibris here. Until now the remarkable life of Emily Chesley has been overlooked by historians and literary researchers. Discover the humorous remedy to this literary travesty.

More about the Emily Chesley Reading Circle here.

Carnival of Satire (#88)

By on November 22, 2007 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#88)Welcome to the gobbler version of the Carnival of Satire. We didn’t receive many submissions this week, so we have stuffed this issue with a mix of the few submitted bits of satire, parody from the nuts on our blogroll and a few tasty nuggets of irony from bloggers at humor blogs.

We begin with this savory piece by the Electric Writer about the dangers of writing while drinking copious amounts of coffee. By the way, beer can also cause one to be toilet enraged.

If you haven’t graced your palette with some of the exotic fare at Ration Reality, then you are in for a treat, especially if you also think that Shirley Temple is Creepy.

Over at Point Five, they were shocked — shocked — to discover a dude enjoying a chick flick, but this is just a sign of the crisis of gynemovia sweeping North America.

And if you needed further proof of this crisis, look no farther than Hurty Elbow, who blows the lid off Phireblanks, the male contraceptive.

Mental Mosaic is convinced that James Watson has had a big scoop of jungle fever.

The Prezel has breaking news about the Hollywood Writers’ strike that you should not miss on this day of thanks.

This demonstration of a Venn Diagram, by Mr. Sun, while not holiday-related, is quite helpful.

And while on the topic of diagrams, you may find the wedgie-vs-fashion Venn at the brilliant blog, Indexed, a pinch.

What are those kids up to? Have they found makeup?

Blog D’Ellison has a satirical tour of art history with this 100-word take on Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory”.

And finally, we hope you have a much less harrowing feast than these folks: Dinner Guests Survive Unsolicited Tour of House.

And that’s it for the gobbler edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting to the next edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too.

Happy Famanguish

By on November 22, 2007 in Parody & Satire, The Lost PowerPoints

Happy thanksgivingGeneral Kang is not the warmest individual, but he got positively misty when I asked him about his strange Neeknabian holidays, Cram It!, Famanguish and Kangsgiving

This story is not about Thanksgiving, but it does feature a turkey, and our newest writer, Dr. Tundra: A Traditional ‘Christmas’ at the Tundra Household. (He’s going to kill me.)

And if all this wasn’t enough, you will find the Yanksgiving Edition of the Lost PowerPoint Slides here, including:

Items NOT supplied at the first Thanksgiving

Ask General Kang: Do you think we should ban tasers?

By on November 21, 2007 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!, Parody & Satire

Ask General KangI believe that tasers are a barbaric technology. Not only are tasers an excruciating way to kill people, it seems to me that you should be using some kind of non-lethal stunning weapon.

A taser is supposed to be a non-lethal stunning weapon.

Well, there is clearly a PROBLEM. If police forces around the world are willing to give me their tasers, I will pass along the technical schematics for a number of non-lethal devices that my Uber-Ape-Jackboot-and-Miniskirt Paramilitary Forces (and dance troupe) have used quite effectively to subdue the great unwashed populace.

The Amplified Kazoo:
Amplified kazoo music is brutal. I once knew a bonobo who’s atonal rendition of “Don’t Cry for Me Fargentina” could drop a brigade of gorilloids armed with broadswords.

Electro-accordion
While not quite as painful as the Amplified Kazoo, Electro-accordions can work as non-lethal weapons, and are especially effective means of crowd control with young hipsters. Warning: does not work anywhere people listen to zydeco, the Paris metro, or at Irish sessions. This is most effective when deployed by an armada of angry uber-chimps with no sense of rhythm.

Doom-worms:
On Mephitis VI, there is a kind of multi-appendaged gut worm that can emit a high-pitched whining sound, which is a combination of noise similar to a mosquito’s buzz and about 100 overtired children stuffed into a mini-van. If amplified, the sound will pop the eyes out of any primate. Warning: Handle this creature with care; each appendage of the gut worm is capable of delivering a neurotoxin that causes bits of your face to fall off and necrotize rapidly into a bubbly goo that smells worse than the Stench-Beast of Vomitus XII.

What are you going to do with all those tasers?

Oh, I have uses for them.

Next time: How do I fit “tab a” into “slot b” if all I can find is a multi-dimensional “thingy c”?