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Archive | August, 2010

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Milk Man

By on August 23, 2010 in But is it art?, Parody & Satire

Milk Man -- DeerhoofAs you can see, the Milk Man has been attacked by a homicidal maniac armed with fresh fruit.

Not only has he been brutally stabbed in his androgynous hip and armpit with a banana, the hermaphroditic and ghostly Milk Man has been brained with a strawberry.

Lucky for him the attacker wasn’t packing a pineapple. Then his number would have been up for sure.

Now, most of us would be dead at this point, but as I’ve pointed out, the epicene lactosian decorating this album cover seems to be enjoying his/her encounter with the savage fruit assailant. I have to be honest at this point, I’m not terribly disturbed by the violent fruit atrocities (these things happen all the time), nor does the Milk Man’s bisexual proclivities cause me pause — it is the black goo that (s)he appears to be extruding from his/her winsome smile that has been haunting my dreams since I saw this cover.

Ironically, some reviewers have described this as San Francisco Deerhoof‘s most accessible album.

My only question is what would the Milk Man do about pointed sticks?

For more excruciation, join Paul Zon at his Museum of Bad Album Cover Art. You may also want to visit the excruciating Alltop . Originally published in the dark ages (2007).

Contest: win a role in my next novel

By on August 21, 2010 in Monkeys!, Skwibby fiction

Go Tuck erize yourself!Don’t miss this opportunity to win a walk-on role in my next book, which is nearing completion. All you have to do is sign up for The MonkeySphere, my monthly newsletter, or join my Facebook page, and you could win:

  1. a chance to appear in a walk-on role in my next book
  2. a chance to win one of three copies of Marvellous Hairy, a novel in five fractals
  3. the exciting chance to have a “mystery” item from my desk sent to you.

Even better, join both — you’ll double your chances, and anyone who signs up for the MonkeySphere will get $2 off Marvellous Hairy. More details here.

Alltop tried to join three times!

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Satan Is Real

By on August 20, 2010 in But is it art?, Odd Science, Parody & Satire

The Louvin Brothers -- Satan Is RealThe Louvin Brothers are best known as the brotherly Bible-thumpers who made close harmony acceptable. Prior to the creation of their breakthrough sound (think Everly Brothers with Grand Ole Opry-style gospel music), close harmony singers were routinely burned at the stake for “unnatural” love.

Once they overcame this (terrible) stereotype, they became quite popular, joining the Grand Ole Opry in 1955. Ira Louvin was the charismatic one, and he was known for falling into “fits of faith” when he would paint portraits of the devil. (Who looks suspiciously like a red Oscar with slanted eyes and bucked teeth — Ira was tortured by the Japanese during the war and was overlooked by the Academy for his performance as “inbred hillbilly” in John Fjord’s “Up the River”.)

The Louvin Brothers are also the first nominally “Godly” singers to play with the power of backwards tracking. Close observers will have already figured out that the title track “Satan Is Real”, played backwards, will sound like “Lear, Sin At Ass”. Now, can imagine how creepy and disgusting that will sound in reverse harmony? You don’t have too. You can listen to this. [Warning: Not Safe, Period. Don’t listen to this if you value your sanity. Opens an MP3 file.]

If you think that is frightening don’t listen to either “Are You Afraid to Die?” or “Low and Lonely”. In test subjects, these tracks will cause aural stigmata and an unnatural desire to eat sausage-shaped cheeses.

For more excruciation, join Paul Zon at his Museum of Bad Album Cover Art, or join Alltop. Note: A professor at Britain’s Salford University, Trevor Cox, claims the sound file linked above is the worst sound in the world. Originally published in 2007.

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Heino

By on August 19, 2010 in But is it art?

We’re not sure how Paul Zon got the idea for creating a Museum of Bad Album Covers, but it is brilliant, and hilarious. The Skwib would like to present (over the next two weeks, and then from time to time) samples from the museum with our humble notes:

Heino

Heino -- a chimera of Norman Bates and Andy WarholWe’ll begin with this gem from the Fatherland, Heino’s 1971 album, “Liebe Mutter…” (Full translation: “Dear Mother … a bouquet that never wilts.”) When we first saw this cover, we thought: “so that’s what happens when you create a genetic chimera from the DNA of Norman Bates and Andy Warhol.”

Then we thought: “His agony is gorgeous. We need to be slapped.”

Not that we’re not digging the whole “Sprockets” look, but it kind of creeped us out. The textures of this cover intrigue us. The red roses (a gesture of romantic love, no) are like tiny baby heads screaming their existential agony, and asking, “Mother, why did you cut us and arrange us so tastefully? We must wilt and make the suffering end!”

Plus, apparently this dude likes to sing songs the NAZIs enjoyed. Just sayin’. You can find more disturbing pictures of him here, but just to warn you, he’s kind of morphed from Andy Warhol to Teutonic Roy Orbison. (Actually, he looks a lot like Robert Shaw in “From Russia With Love.” )

And now, we’re emotionally obliterated. It is time to dance!

Alltop is emotionally flaccid. Visit the museum of bad album cover art here. You may also want to check out the Facebook group, shit record covers. Originally published 2007.

The Big Lebowski D&D Alignment Chart

By on August 18, 2010 in But is it art?, Parody & Satire

Those of you who have never played Dungeons & Dragons (D&D), or heard much about it, will not make much sense of this amusing alignment chart. Hell, even those of you who have may not make much sense of it.

I certainly wouldn’t recommend you let this chart guide you in your own moral-decision making from day to day. (Click to embiggen.)

big lebowski chart

Alltop thinks this chart really pulls the whole blog together. Via The Presurfer, via this page of madness. Couldn’t figure out who did the chart, and for that, my apologies.