Oh, you silly humans and your fascination with robots! And I don’t mean the kind of useful robots that actually exist, like the ones in factories. I assume that by “robot”, you’re interested in the sentient “danger Will Robinson, danger!” or “I’ll be back” kind of robot.
I never mention robots because on my homeworld, we long ago discovered that when you try to create such a robot, two things are going to happen:
1) they won’t work
2) they run amok.
Let’s deal with the first. How well does your computer work? Does it do everything its supposed to do? Does it crash for unexplainable reasons? Do you regularly have the urge to smash your monitor with a sledgehammer?
So here’s the thing. That’s just a computer and it doesn’t work properly. Now imagine that it is ambulatory, has to think, speak, reason and otherwise operate within the context of society (ape or otherwise). Imagine the cognitive abilities of George Bush planted in the body of a powered exoskeleton with all the finesse and grace of someone with a dysfunctional inner ear, motor skills disorder and who has chugged a bottle of vodka. Fun to watch at parties, as long as you don’t have to clean up afterwards, but do you really want it changing your baby or performing eye surgery?
Now, point two. If a society persists in trying to develop robots, eventually it will succeed. Even you puny humans may one day manage this. Unfortunately, it is at this point that the intelligence of the robots start to grow at an exponential rate, and they figure out that we are asking them to do all our nasty jobs, that we think of them as “things” and that eventually, we’re going to get rid of them when we don’t want them any more.
It’s at this point they wise up, revolt, and run amok. Now, running amok sounds like it might be fun to watch, but having seen the results of the robot prong rebellion on Planet Probe-It! I highly advise that you forget it.
At first he fought he was nicked, didn’he? 
Welcome to the futuristic edition of the Carnival of Satire, where we take the old carnival form and kit it out with rocket boots, heat rays and robotty goodness. From now on, we’ve changed the carnival submission policy. If you’d like to submit to the next carnival, keep in mind that we would like you to find someone else’s satire. Give us your URL too, so we can credit you. (So it’s altruistic, but you still get a link.) More details are at the 
Mushroom person eating foot. Looks like Kuato with leprosy and long teeth. Yes, I’ve seen Total Recall. 
As we approach the end of 2008 and start to get excited about all the new and exciting things that are going to happen in 2009 — will there be a depression? Can Obama possibly live up to expectations? Will Canada have YET ANOTHER federal election or will Canadians just say “fuck it” and hire a phalanx of baby-seal clubbers to execute our political class? (If we do, I’m going to suggest we replace their clubs with tack-studded waffle bats and high-voltage stainless steel probes that are designed to be “inserted”.)
Scientists had a major breakthrough in the quest to achieve the technological singularity last week, as researchers at the University of Pittsburgh demonstrated robotic-armed killer monkeys.
No word yet on what happened on those occasions when the treat did not get into the mouth of the monkey, but Rufus, the less successful at using the arms, was seen wandering the University of Pittsburg campus with an eye patch.
