Just in case you need a little extra reading, here are few bits of carnivivia to check out:
Get you’re whig-out on with the: Carnival of the Insanities
Travel 60 days into the past with the Best of Me Symphony
And it’s still too early for the Humor Carnival, but you might enjoy these captioned pics from Bobbarama.
Welcome to the first part of our Christmas Gift Guide. We say ‘Christmas’ because we wanted to use the picture of Santa at his commode, but really, most of these gifts are so hopelessly weird that they would work for practically any occasion, any time when you wanted to tell that special someone: “here’s what I think of you.”
As you know, Dr. Tundra is also the founder of the Noodly Norsemen, a sect of Pastafarians who believe that it is the lack of Vikings, not pirates, that is the cause of global warming. So his first few gift suggestions are somewhat colored by this latest obsession.
On the last Tuesday in January, the town of Lerwick, Shetland Islands, revives its Viking past. Not only do they consume excessive amounts of mead, they actually torch a Viking longship. The only way to make this celebration more complete would be to row down to Northumberland and sack a few monasteries first, but alas, this did not go so well the first year they tried that.
You will stay in downtown Lerwicks’s fabulous Nazi Youth Hostel (where you will be asked to leave the building by 8:30 am, right after you’ve cleaned the toilets). You will be able to listen to the ‘Guizer Jarl’ retell Norse epic poetry while you experience the bracing weather of the North Sea in January! Not to mention the Guizer Hop, where you’ll dance, drink and vomit all night.
And all the lutefisk you can eat!
Price: $3500, from The Beating Off Trail Travel Company
More on Up Helly Aa from the Shetland Travel Bureau.
If you can’t afford to give your loved one’s the luxury of a trip to the Shetlands in January, surely you will want to purchase some Viking regalia so that they’ll be ready for the Friday church service of the Noodly Norsemen at Hooters. For example, this fine Battle Ready Sword.
Price: $500, from the Jelling Dragon.
And finally, if you need to find a more reasonably-priced Viking gift, Dr. Tundra suggests this Athelstan’s Skullpot. This is a replica of Athelsan’s skull — the Northumbrian Saxon king — this is rare item, the skull, lobotomized around the ancient iron crown. Good for drinking from, and keeping your car keys in.
Price: $45, from Alchemy Carta
Canadians may be embarrassed by the results of a poll done by the McGregor Socks company:
“Overall, McGregor Socks found that 31 per cent of Canadians have had sex while wearing socks, despite the fact a whopping 72 per cent of people said socks were decidedly unsexy.”
Whoa, wait a minute! Seventy-two percent of Canadians say that socks are unsexy? Doesn’t that depend a great deal on what is being covered? Some people have less than “comely” feet, as Homer used to say (repeatedly).
And then there is the toenail factor.
GrrlScientist has discovered an Escher painting of the Bush Administration Showing Us The Way Out of Iraq.
The festive season is upon us and Drink at Work is doing a marvelous series of lost holiday specials; we liked an evening with Rudolph.
The Banterist has more accurate Wikipedia warnings. (Link goes to a non-blog site.)
Madeleine Begun Kane has an astute Ode To Prosperity.
Jesus’ General has a review of Hot House Flowers that is worth checking out.
Anticipating The Skwib’s upcoming holiday gift guide, Jennifer Miner has the sarcastic What Not to Buy for Christmas: This holiday season’s worst gift ideas. Continue Reading →
Judging by the number of comments this grad student’s research on meme spread and speed is doing okay, but you can be part of the study if you like. Just go read the post and follow the instructions.
Baaaa, baaaa, baaa.
VIENNA (The Skwib) — An angry Santa Claus was seen a bit earlier than expected this year, flying above the city hall of the Austrian capital.
Instead of bringing gifts and joy, the less-than-jolly St. Nick launched a Clausian Blitzkrieg on a city that has banned him for being too commercial.
He appeared in the early evening, above the market in front of the city hall, where there are thousands of stalls devoted to selling Christmas-related paraphernalia.
Hans Grubbenstuuppen, a Vienna city hall spokesman told The Skwib: “We enjoy rules. Lots of them. And one of the rules that stallholders must follow is to agree not to use the image of Santa as a condition of being able to trade there.”
“Santa is an English language creation, people who want to see him should go to America where I am sure Coca Cola will be happy to oblige,” Grubbenstuuppen added.
Claus expressed his sentiment at this “Ban Santa” in a concrete way. After stealthily approaching the market from on high, Claus swooped overtop the stalls in his trademark sleigh, pulled by nine reindeer.
“Poop Dancer! Poop Dasher! Poop Prancer, poop Vixen!” he cried. “Crap Comet, crap Cupid! Pee Donner and Blitzen!” the holiday icon could be heard shouting to his freakish reindeer.
In addition to their ability to fly, the reindeer are prolific defecators. Given the high speeds they can achieve, the ensuing barrage of reindeer excrement was nothing short of devastating. The market was a scene of chaos, bathed in the baleful red glow of Rudolph’s radioactive nose.
“Bwa-ha-hah!” Santa could be heard laughing manically as he ended his strafing run. “Now you know what happens when you’re naughty!”
The North Pole was unavailable for official comment, but one senior staffer told The Skwib: “Mr. Claus has been under a lot of stress lately because of the competition from Wal-Mart.”
Ban Santa webpage:
Weihnachtsmannfreie Zone