Bad History. Bad!
The Devil’s Dictionary: The Skwib Updates: R
R
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it
consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and
humor in slang.
We know by one’s reading
His learning and breeding;
By what draws his laughter
We know his Hereafter.
Read nothing, laugh never —
The Sphinx was less clever!
–Jupiter Muke
The Skwib Update:
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our time it consists, as a rule, of spreadsheets, packaging, and in the gifted, weblogs.
The Carnival of the Mundane (Theatrical Edition)
Welcome to the Carnival of the Mundane. Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage, and if so, then even the mundane has a role to play — whether it’s holding a spear in the back row, or strutting to the front and taking a turn. We’ve got five boffo submissions, for this short one-act edition:
Ellen at the Sam and Becky Boo Show is concerned about the phenomenon of cat amnesia, though we don’t think a Ghost spawned the worry:
“Remember thee!
Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat
In this distracted globe, Remember thee!”
–Hamlet
Mad Kane discusses her mother’s underwear proclivities in Secret Shopper.
“O mother, mother!
What have you done? Behold, the heavens do ope,
The gods look down, and this unnatural scene
They laugh at.”
–Coriolanus
Bill is agonizing over cleaning up his apartment. He should just be careful not to let an ultra-neat roommate move in, like Oscar did:
“I can’t take it anymore, Felix, I’m cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. “We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.” Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!”
–The Odd Couple
Muse puts in a wonderful performance as Blanche Dubois in A couple of reasons to smile!
“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”
–Streetcar Named Desire
And to finish on a note that is anything but a turkey, Random Yak “hams” it up with a new Yak FAQ.
Thanks to Postmodern Sass for letting us host this show, and you can find the Carnival of the Mundane homepage here.
The Carnival of Satire (#56)
Happy Yanksgiving to everyone south of the (CAN-US) border. If we were giving thanks today, it would be for all this fine collection of satire:
Fans of House (the doctor show) and those bewildered by literary theory will both enjoy The Little Professor’s short teleplay: LP in the House. Thanks to Ahistoricality for suggesting this spoof, which may leave you a tremulous wisp with laughter.
Jake Danger is tired of being persecuted and has set up the Society for the Prevention of Mathematical Intolerance.
Mr. Juggles is interested to know How successful has Domino’s been in bringing pooplets to market?
Madeleine Begun Kane has contractual (and seasonal) parody with Office Party Follies.
Tra La La has learned all about the Titanic sequel, which you will have to see to believe:
Continue Reading →
Professor Quippy: Beer Goggle Effect
Enterprising researchers at the University of Manchester have worked out a formula that describes the “beer goggle effect†– you know, the one where less-than-attractive members of the opposite sex appear more appealing.
As it turns out, alcohol is not the only factor. The smokiness of the room, the luminance of the goggle-ee, the goggler’s visual acuity, and distance between the two all are components of the formula.
I have done some work on the “beer goggle effect†as well, and I’m afraid the good researchers at Manchester, while producing some valuable research, have left out a number of important considerations in their equation, vis:
- The number of days, weeks, months, and god forbid, years, since the googler’s last intimate encounter will definitely affect the effect, amplifying it considerably depending on the time span
- Age and ‘health’ of goggler
- Sexual proclivities of the goggler.
But these are minor quibbles. Kudos to Manchester for bringing us one step closer to a full understanding of this crucial phenomenon. The more we know, the more likely we will be able to prevent the tragedy of arm-gnawing-officus the morning after.
The erronious formula can be found here. Note: men can avoid the effect entirely by wearing my new invention (a similar device for women is under development). This post is listed at the Carnival of the Vanities.
Grandfig: Borneo or Bust!
Bladder’s Bastards, better-known as the Squatting Sixth Brigade were ready, by god!
They’d been training since Pearl Harbour, and their commander, Brigadier General Bladder T. Stone, promised General MacArthur that they’d kick the Japs off Borneo or die trying.
Unless they all got leg cramps again.