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The Carnival of Satire (#49)

By on October 5, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire #49Sometimes, The Carnival of Satire is replete with spleen and sarcasm, sometimes, there are a just few incandescent bits of irony that make it worth visiting. Today is one of those times.

Madeleine Kane is pretty excited about how tough America is on terrorism and has the Torture Bill Haiku to prove it.

Too funny. Limerick Savant has a gut-busting bit of doggerel in:Over-friendly + under-age = big zero.

In a bit of adept satire, Conservathink has parsed the beluga with Mother Nature: Republican Operative?.

Whacked Man at Whacked Planet is what he is and reports that Popeye’s Whereabouts Unknown – Friends Worried. Also, you may enjoy the collection of editorial cartoons that relate to this post. Continue Reading →

Ask General Kang: I’d like to increase the number of surveillance cameras in my city, but I’m having trouble getting my council to agree. Any advice for a mayor with ambitions?

By on October 4, 2006 in Ask General Kang, Parody & Satire

Ask General KangSurveillance cameras are a must for any would-be intergalactic overlord, which I assume is your ultimate goal. (Just as an aside, mayor is not the best platform to launch such a career, but you can manage it, particularly if you are bloodthirsty enough and have really good psycho-kinesis — the insidious lord Darth Wedgie started as a mayor.)

Here are a few suggestions for getting your own big brother operation up-and-running:

1) Stage a series of abhorrent crimes
Start small with these, and work your way up into some really nasty ultra-violence. (Think the first half-hour of A Clockwork Orange, as a good template.) This will create your climate of fear.

2) Install cameras in high crime areas

3) Pay your goons to commit crimes in places where there are no cameras

4) Install cameras there

5) Continue to allow crime to flourish

6) Install speakers with cameras, to stop “unsocial” acts in progress. Look to Middlesbrough, England for a template on how to do this.

Now the conditions are in place for you to take the next logical step. Cameras in people’s houses. Look, you can argue, you’ve stopped violent crime and unsocial acts in the streets — imagine what you could do if you put cameras in people’s homes? No more spouse abuse, no more child molestation. Who could be against that?

Suggest that anyone who doesn’t like this plan has something to hide.

Now all you need to do is start building your army of Ultra-Chimps. I recommend arming them with plasma weapons and kazoos. Nothing renders an enemy force more helpless (with laughter) than a phalanx of chimps blowing kazoos. (Then the plasma weapons up the wazoo!)

Next time: How does one get rid of a house guest that won’t leave? I mean without feeding them to the Great SlorgBeast in your backyard?

The Irrepressible Lightness of Being

By on October 3, 2006 in General Skwib, Parody & Satire

Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.
–Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

We’d like to take a break from the general absurdity that is our usual fare here and direct your attention to a worthy effort by Amnesty International to counteract the censorship of information on the Internet by repressive governments.

Here’s the thing, though. For that repression to work, Western IT companies have to help. So Amnesty has set up a new campaign called “Irrepressible Info” to bring attention to these ideas.

George Orwell once said: “If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever.” We imagine that in addition to the boot, you’d see a CEO’s wingtip, working together to crush human freedom.

The irony of course is that the business world should be about freedom, not repression, because that is what capitalism is all about, right? Letting the market decide by letting people decide. Right?

It is a vertigo-inducing question. All these choices we are faced with — whether choices we get to make once or choices we make over and over again — all leading to an outcome that we may never know. Some live long enough to see the result. Some get their Velvet Revolution; the simple and right act of criticizing your government does not mean you end washing windows for the rest of your life instead of performing brain surgery. But you don’t get your Velvet Revolution in a vacuum.

Go visit Irrepressible.info and sign the pledge. And if you want to add irrepressible info to your site, as we have done, you can do that there too. Also, there is an excellent article in the Observer about the whole thing.

The Carnival of Satire (#48)

By on September 28, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire #48Welcome to The Carnival of Satire, where we promise that you won’t have to give us anything except a few moments of your time, and perhaps a laugh or two. Certainly not a vital organ.

In China it’s a different story. There you may be expected to give such a “present to society”. Or perhaps you might get lucky and be a part of the crack Chinese organ relay squad. Whatever the case, it seems like we’re not the only ones to notice the incongruity of holding the summer Olympics in Beijing as some of these cartoons demonstrate.

Ahistoricality is less controversial, and helps us take this carnival up to “eleven” by helping us find Eric Muller’s Hierarchy of Legal Scholarship.

When it comes to spinach, Madeleine Begun Kane “can’t stands no more!” and proves it with her Ode To Spinach (Limerick).

So, was Popeye a sexy swabby? Yeah, we didn’t think so either. He probably could have used this “advice” on How to Be Sizzling Hot – Guide for Men.

Continuing with the “hot” theme, neither Helen nor “Lucy” would qualify. Thag says, “think again.”

Less hot than Helen AND the Emperor from Star Wars? That could only be the Pope. Bile, Snark, and Sneer have more of his “wisdom” with THE truth hurts.

On Pope-related note, we thought that you might “agree” with Archer at Lawyerworldland who suggests I hope we can move on.

The Kag Report “explains” that Canadian experts agree Mona Lisa is a painting.

Brian Tarcy has NFL “action” with WhatZgonnahappen.com.

The prolific Madeleine Begun Kane has another “limerick” (well we had to air-quote something): Bush’s Burst Bubble.

To take us out on a “tasty” note, Joan Conde has a post in which Condeleeza Rice Asks: Am I an Oreo? posted at Mamacita.

Phew, now that we’ve “vented” some spleen (much better than giving it away), we will take a break until next week. Thanks to all for their posts, and you can submit your satire via this handy form; the COS is listed at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too.