The Lost PowerPoint Slides (The Dog Edition #2)

Wrinkly dogs in car windowControlling humans (slide 6)

  • staring is effective, but you can’t give up
  • no matter what, keep staring
  • keep with it — don’t take your eyes off them
  • eventually they’ll give you food.

Controlling humans (slide 7)

  • if staring doesn’t work, start drooling
  • copiously.

A Place Called Shangri La (slide 1)

  • this place exists, because I have smelled it
  • doors slide open automatically
  • inside is food, lots and lots of food.

Car etiquette (slide 2)

  • tongue out when under 30 mph.

Car etiquette (slide 6)

  • drive-by barkings are acceptable, and expected.

Property issues (slide 2)

  • if it’s in my mouth, I own it
  • if it’s on the ground, and I can get to it, and put it my mouth, I own it
  • even if I can’t get to it
  • still mine.

Photo by Emdot | More dogs at the Friday Ark

Won’t anyone think of the cheeses!

Prophet with cheeseThousands of tasty Danish cheeses are going uneaten in nations where the religion of Muhammad comes before everything else. Including decent Danablu pie.

“I have been protesting the cartoons they published first in a Danish newspaper, which I never saw, but nevertheless, outrage me, by not buying Danish cheese. Yes, I love Danish blue cheese pie, but I am faithful, and I will not have Allah’s prophet mocked by potty-mouthed Danes. Or the French,” Mohomomad Denai said.

Boycotts and protests are all very well, say some Muslim clerics, but to really get the point across, it would be better to administer some beatings. The first such violence was inflicted upon two Arla Foods employees in Saudi Arabia. Several hard cheeses were inserted in uncomfortable personal places.

The Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten, which originally published 12 caricatures depicting the Prophet Muhammad (including one that shows him wearing a turban in the shape of a bomb with a lit fuse), asked Flemming Rose, culture editor, to defend the paper by explaining: “these were not directed against Muslims, but against people in cultural life in Europe who are submitting themselves to self-censorship when dealing with Islam.”

Meanwhile, thousands of stinky cheeses sit uneaten in holds of ships and in warehouses throughout the Muslim world.

“My God,” said an imam who wished to remain anonymous, “won’t anyone think of the chesses?”

Inspired by:
Danablu pie | Raging at the ‘toons

Carnival O-Rama

A few things of interest to point out, including the Carnival of Comedy at Sun Comprehending Glass.

The dangers of lutefisk — after overindulging you may be tempted to break and enter schools. Oh, and to do math problems while you’re there.

Both Wiarton Willie and Shubenacadie Sam have predicted an early end to winter on this, that most hallowed of days, Groundhog Day. Punxsutawney Phil, ever the contrarian, saw his shadow, shat on his keeper’s hand, and returned to his cage.

And I know this just adds fuel to the fire, but a certain group of zealots need to take a chill pill.

The Carnival of Satire #19

Carnival of Satire #19, with cheese wheelWelcome to this week’s food-fighting Carnival of Satire. Not to say that any of the following posts are cheesy, but they do share a certain sharpness that is associated with some aged, dairy-based satire products. Enjoy. (With a bottle of wine, if you can manage it.)

Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables takes a break from politics, and tackles the serious issue of food in Ode To Takeout — Song Parody.

David at SqurtCheez provides a nice chunk of satire in Bolivian President Sends U.S. Politicians Scrambling.

Okay, Bob at either orr has a post that makes Dr. Tundra squirt cheese, because he can see some Liberal Party hacks thinking seriously about having, For Liberal Party Leader, John Kerry.

UberIrony Alert! Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat presents My Very Own Study of Brain Function. General Kang just hopes it is INTENTIONAL irony. Thag is sure it is — he knows how dangerous cats can be.

Bam! Tommy at Striving For Average kicks it up a notch with What’s For Lunch?. Continue Reading →