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restoring a speculative treasure Frequently Asked Questions
 
   
   

Why a fez?

This is to honour Prince Albert's act of heroism in 1857.

After dinner on a dark February evening, the Queen picked up the latest issue of Punchy and was confronted by a poem by Joseph "Spungy" Freakinswad, a poet of ill-repute from Bankside. The poem was a flagrant example of titembetic rhythm and naughty language, and so outraged the Queen that she was ill and swooned -- she might have very well have aspirated on her regurgitated steak and kidney pudding had not Albert been there with a length of rubber pipe and a fez to save her.

And there can be no contesting that the fez is a pretty silly hat.

Um, so what's the deal with silly hats?

What isn't the deal? What can be not said that is un-deal-like about foolish haberdashery? Need we point out that Item 5 of the Covenant clearly states that "silly hats may be worn at meetings?" In fact, we require visiting scholars to wear a silly hat (usually a fez is provided) at their first meeting. (After that, it is up to them, of course.)

Okay, okay. Now, what exactly do you have against Norwegians?

Damn the Norwegians!

It's hard to explain coherently. Nagaring-do-farigola. Seriously, though. Ach! Naaaa! Grrrr! Part of it is that we are jealous of their hirsute, bulging physiques, and the fondness that Emily had for them. Roarg! Neet, neet, neet! And partly we have embraced the sentiment of her 1912 poem, Lars of the Bar Car, when she was in one of the troughs of her sine wave-like relationship with the male members of that worthy breed.

I've noticed that you always put quotations marks around words such as "scholarship" and "reading". Why?

How very clever of you to pick up on that. We thought we were being exceedingly subtle. Just because we can, and besides, it's fun to do air quotes at our meetings.

Oh my god, you don't do "air quotes" too?

Of course not. That would be silly and pretentious.

Is any of this for real?

No. You are a disembodied brain being studied by demented kneets from the Planet Xorbdron.

Is it normal to be frightened at this point of the FAQ?

We would be worried if you weren't.

Is there a point in asking any other questions?

Not unless you are interesting in becoming a Patron or in Chesleyan "scholarship".

Further questions may be directed to this email address: info@emilychesley.com

Now bugger off.

--"Scholarship" by The Squire

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