Peruse her biography:

Part I: Fün Untersee
Part II: Mind-Bombing Berlin
Part III: Dung Beetles in the Eagle's Nest
Part IV: Suisse to Spidgy:
Part V: The Firey End

The Big Finish
Part III: Dung Beetles in the Eagle's Nest

Hitler's retreat at Berchtesgarden, where the "nut-job" would often have little psycho get-togethers.

April was a beautiful time to visit Bavaria. The birds were singing. Alpine valleys were fresh with green grass and yellow buttercups. And a diminutive nut-job (1) with bad hair and nose fungus was planning a little surprise for Russia called Operation Barbarossa.

At Hitler's retreat, Berchtesgarden, Emily was asked to wait at the overlook by the Teehaus, where the Fuhrer had many of his most important political discussions. She records her first meeting with him in Speculations:

I was looking Berchtesgarden valley below, trying to focus on my line of questioning. Clearly, it would be in my best interests to indulge the man as I had done the thick-skulled Goebbles. But my mind kept drifting back to that early success, "The Afrikaans of East Nissouri." Minnie Chesterton, when given the opportunity, knew what to do. If only I had a bullet brolly, or even the strength to push the maniac off the balcony.

Then he appeared from under the trees, dancing a little jig, and giggling like a schoolboy. It seemed hard to believe that the comic figure was such a font of evil, but then I got a good look at his eyes. It was then that I noticed he had a dog-eared copy of Der Vollkommene Mann, the German translation of my latest novel, The Perfeckt Mann. I assumed that Goebbles was not as thick as I'd thought, and he had been playing an elaborate game with me all this time. Well, they would see an old girl go down with dignity.

Fortunately for Emily, it was a coincidence. Hitler did enthuse to her about the excellence of the book, though. (The translation had eviscerated the proto-feminist argument from the work, as do all the German translations of her work.) She kept to her original plan, and asked him fluff questions such as: "given the runaway success of National Socialism, what's next for Der Fuhrer and his people?"

Soon the charade was over, but not before he extended her an invitation to stay for dinner. Between Hitler's two-faced dinner conversation (he would vacillate wildly between anti-Semitic rants and bawdy stories about nuns) and Goerring's rendition of Die Zauberflöt using only his sweaty-palmed fart sounds, Emily could barely choke down her zwiebelbratten. Things got really weird when Hitler announced that he would predict the success of the coming invasion by melting lead. (2) After this ceremony, Hitler was bemused. Himmler minced incessantly around the room trying to pick up everyone's spirits by administering schnapps and a smile that Emily later described as: "a ghastly grin that a was combination of a corpse's rictus and a chimp with an electrical cord up its butt."

Emily was invited to stay at the Eagle's Nest, where she frequently wished for death.(3)

The opportunity came in early June, when Goebbles reappeared with some of the British and American traitors who had signed on as propagandists with the Third Reich. They included Midge Gillars (Axis Sally), Norman Baillie-Stewart (the original Lord Haw Haw), and a man that Chesley recognized immediately: Lord Reginald Pustule Gorcharp ("Mimsy" to his friends). . Emily was never to learn why Gorcharp had defected, but she did discover that he was the third voice behind the hated Lord Haw Haw. (4) He did not recognize Emily at first, but by the end of the evening, he had seen penetrated her disguise.

Finally, he had another chance for revenge. (5)

Emily did a masterful impersonation of Hitler. She is seen here, delivering her radio address.

She easily convinced Hitler's Reichschauffeur to take her to Innsbruck. There, she browbeat the local Gestapo into writing up a false pass and passport for Murry L. Slaughter. (She also asked them to gather a tidy sum of gold coins.) Before she made her run for the Austrian-Swiss border, she stopped at a local radio station, and spoke to the nation. Emily launched an impromptu speech in which she outlined:

1. the German plan to invade Russia the next day (June 22, 1941)
2. why the German people would be much better without National Socialism
3. why he (Hitler) was a complete nimrod.

Unfortunately, her impersonation was a little too convincing, and the local audience received the speech as just another one of "Der Fuhrer's crazy rants."

Next: Part IV: Suisse to Spidgy...>

Notes:

(1) This is the term Emily commonly used when writing about Hitler. [back]

(2) The ancient Teutonic practice of "pouring lead" was a method of divination that required that small lead pellets be brought to a molten state over an open flame, and then poured onto another surface, in this case a sink, where upon the future could supposedly be foretold based upon the shapes taken by the pellets upon cooling. [back]

(3) In Speculations, she wrote: "compared with the goings-on at Berchtesgarden, Lake Garda seemed positively well adjusted. Don't even get me started on Hitler's predilection for 'water sports'." [back]

(4) The most famous voice behind the treacherous persona was that of William Joyce, but others such as Baillie-Steward and Gorcharp did make Lord Haw Haw broadcasts from Hamburg as well. [back]

(5) His first ill-fated attempt at revenging his "pencilectomy" is charmingly detailed in the excellent monograph: Farkmee and Gorcharp: The Teenie Weenie Plot. [back]

(6) In this note, she indicated that Lord Gorcharp was a cross-dresser, and most likely, a double-agent for the British. The suspicion alone was enough to delay a search for Emily and sent Gorcharp to a concentration camp for the rest of the war. [back]