- Whether Gary Trudeau should have used the Bush “Turd Blossom†nickname for Carl Rove in his column
- If the President of the United States should flip the media the bird
- The President of the United States
- The media
- The United States
- The concept of countries
- The left
- The right
- Who the hell Ciara is
- Whether you wrote a blog entry today
Archive | Parody & Satire
Bring back Tobin, protestors demand
OTTAWA — A small group from Canada’s influential inukshuk industry is staging a sit-in on Parliament Hill, demanding that Prime Minister Paul Martin bring Brian Tobin back to cabinet.
“He’s the only one who can save Hans Island!” their spokesperson, Carla Flintstone shouted.
Hans Island is at the center of a diplomatic dispute between Canada and Denmark. Both countries claim the barren, desolate, frigid, uninhabited rock in the high arctic.
Last week, Defence Minister Bill Graham was dispatched to Hans Island to land on the island and eat a ham sandwich to establish Canada’s sovereignty over the island.
Not to be outdone, the Danish Minister of Nudity Arvid Funkberg has been sent to Hans Island to eat a meal of sild — half rotted herring. He will wash this down with an incredibly warm bottle of Skipsol, Denmark’s famously weak, resin-flavoured beer.
“Graham is a pussy!” Flintstone shouted hysterically. “The only one who can save us is Brian Tobin.”
Tobin is best known for his role in the 1995 Turbot War between Canada and the European Union. Then Minister of Fisheries and Oceans, Tobin used “extra-territorial” force to seize a Spanish ship that was fishing illegally in Canadian waters.
Hans Island is home to more than .0001 percent of Canada’s inukshuks.
Qatar, United Arab Emirates, in robot jockey arms race
Never mind Al-Qaeda, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, or the insurgency in Iraq, a new terror threatens the sensitive oil-rich region of Arabia.
Camel racing.
A favourite pastime amongst the Arab upper classes, camel racing is now the hot-button issue of the region. Many countries have abolished the use of children as jockeys, and have moved to develop light-weight robot jockeys to replace them.
Qatar was first out of the gate with the CyberCamel 3000, a lightweight robot capable of guiding a camel at nearly the same speed as boy jockey of the same mass.
The CyberCamel 3000 is armed with six light-weight tac missiles with explosive warheads; it also has a taser-like appendage capable of delivering 50,000 volt stun charge. (In the prototype this was to disable the camel in case the robot lost control of the beast, but it has been effective at close-in combat with enemy soldiers.) The other appendage holds a riding crop.
Since then, the United Arab Emirates (UAE) have tested the Ungulator Mark X, a doll-like robot that is surprisingly huggable. (Not recommended if the Ungulator is in assault mode, in which case the plush fur-like covering is electrostatically charged and capable of delivering a lethal high-amp charge.) In addition to this defensive measure, the Ungulator’s googley-eyes contain the world’s first effective weaponized lasers.
Since the successful tests of these two robots, Kuwait has launched its own crash program, with a biological focus. Instead of expensive robots, Kuwait is experimenting with a variety of primates, psychotropic compounds and high doses of mutagenic radiation. They plan to release ChimpZilla Camel Guided “Fun Bombs” later this year.
Inspired by:
Taipei Times article | BBC article
Happy 60th Birthday Atomic Bomb
In 1945 the US Army had a little party, and the cake had one hell of a candle. It was called Trinity — the first atomic bomb — and boy, did it make the world a different place.
In the 50s and 60s, my cousin’s generation learned how to duck and cover; this was a method of “protecting” yourself from a nuclear weapon. By the 70s it was no longer possible to pretend that hiding under your desk could save you from the heat of the sun.
Strangely, not having a way to “protect” oneself was probably less traumatic. And I didn’t really worry about nuclear war in a serious way until the 80s.
Then Ronald Regan became president, and those of us old enough to understand international politics did get a taste of that trauma. But we didn’t get vaporized, despite a few close calls. So, no harm done.
But now the cold war is over, and everything’s okay. Right? I mean, we don’t have to worry about the bomb anymore do we?
Hello? Is this thing on…
Atomic age begins! | Close Calls | The Amadeus Net
(for a future history of the problem with nuclear proliferation — oh, and lesbians)
Toyota finds Ontario workers malleable and compliant
Is anyone else alarmed by this? Toyota has turned down zillions of dollars worth of subsidies in the US to put their new North American plant in the Province of Ontario.
Oh sure, the company CLAIMS it’s because workers here are “well-trained” and “literate”, but we won’t be fooled. When they say “well-trained” they mean: we follow orders.
When they say “literate” . . . well, I think that means we can read. Okay, I can’t see anything wrong with that. But the whole “well-trained” thing, that’s code.
All I’ll say is watch out! Wouldn’t it be horrible if our easily gulled workers turned out a line killer robots, programmed to destroy Queen’s Park and maybe even Parliament Hill, rendering our province and country politician-less?
Okay, maybe this is good news after all.
Killer robots! With deadly musical instruments! | Toyota Likes Ontario
Operation Give-Our-Parties-Mascots
In the usual skwib fashion, we come to this issue from an oblique angle.
The US has a new movement, Operation Yellow Elephant, which proposes that young Republicans support their President by serving as infantry in the army.
Wow, what an excellent idea; this will really help the American forces meet some of their recruitment targets, which they have been falling behind on for some time now. If you were a young Republican, you would go, right? I mean, your country needs you. Your president needs you (never mind that he didn’t volunteer to serve in a war zone when he was a youth) so you go. That’s what duty is all about.
Of course, it’s easy to say, living in Canada. (And yes, I’m being sarcastic.)
This leads us to the problem at hand. Where are OUR mascots? In the US, the Republicans have an elephant. The Democrats have a donkey. Where are the animals for our political parties?
The skwib has few suggestions:
Liberals:
Candiru. This is the tiny Amazonian fish that swims into unsuspecting urethras, plants a spike to make their residence permanent, and proceeds to feed off the host until the parasitee does something silly like try to remove it.
Continue Reading →