Sometimes you feel like putting on a pretty little sundress, and prancing around in a meadow with the butterflies.
Other days, you wake up and think: rubber dress … fishnet stockings … gasmask and shotgun … fuck yeah!
But pack the sundress and a cardigan just in case. And that nice cocktail dress, and high heels, ’cause you never know…
What happens if they have a big fancy party after all the zombies are dead?
Warning: while this post may be about comedy, don’t expect it to be comic. I would consider the quote “comedy is tragedy plus time” an old saw, but it’s still an interesting idea. Could every tragedy become funny, given enough time? The British comedian David Mitchell seems to think so. (His video rant, which tries to explain why Vikings raping and pillaging in the Dark Ages is funny, but the Soviet takeover of Berlin in 1945 isn’t yet, is embedded below.)
The quote should really be, tragedy plus time allows comedy. Depending on how you portray events, you can still achieve either a laugh or tears, and sometimes both. That’s what art is all about, right? But can you imagine taking a scene say, Schindler’s List, and turning that into a rip-roaring farce? Wait, no! Don’t even try to imagine it, because, as they say in another cliché: “it’s too soon. ” You can make jokes about Nazis (not much fun in Stalingrad), but please, no jokes about their atrocities. Personally, genocide strikes me as one of those events that is impossible to turn into comedy, no matter how long ago it happened. (But perhaps I’m not really trying. Maybe there is some good humor to be had in the Church’s elimination of the Cathars, for example.)
Proto-goth and journeyman of the bon mot, Horace Walpole once wrote to a friend, “The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”
I think I like that quote even more, because it gets to the heart of the difference between the two. Of course, it may be that I remember the quote: “Comedy is tragedy plus time” as coming out of the pie-hole of Alan Alda’s character (the abrasive Lester) in Crimes and Misdemeanors, and not from Carol Burnett, as the Wikiquote would have us believe. (Crimes & Misdemeanors was a 1989 Woody Allen film, and Burnett’s quote is attributed in 2004 in Wikiquote. I’ll let wiser heads sort the provenance out.)
I definitely don’t agree with Lenny Bruce, who said: “Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.” The beauty of satire is that you can go for it right away. It might not get any laughs if it’s too early though.
Of course, none of these sharp observations are as funny as Mel Brook’s 2000-Year-Old Man (1961): “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
If you’re still looking for help on this one, you may find the tragedy-to-comedy conversion chart useful:
(via Comics vs Audience)
Now, as promised, here’s Mitchell on why the Vikings aren’t funny. I do agree with him on one thing for sure: the Vikings didn’t wear horns on the helmets.
Writer’s note: The username links do not work, but others do. Some readers may prefer to start this short story at the chronological beginning, but I recommend starting here:
LandingPartyONE Displeased we did not demolish Twitter servers instead of using them. Activate sterilization protocol.
less than 5 seconds ago from TweeterProbe
Happybriefs I’ve destroyed all them in my house with a fern spritzer and my son’s SuperSoaker. I know, it’s stupid, but water does it! #pocylpse
less than 5 seconds ago from web
Bovatime The goats have thrown in with them.
We’re fucked.
less than 5 seconds ago from TractorTweet
Beanlover They’re all devastated by water — robots, monkeys, zombie-mushroom-people. All of them. RT, RT, RT! #pocylpse.
less than 5 seconds ago from web
SeePeeOh Thank god I got that RT. Flying monkeys are carrying blasters! Laser beams. Whatever. RT! Follow the discussion, people! #pocylpse.
less than 5 seconds ago from mobile web
Normalman RT @Rockrchick @UberPR Flying monkeys are also carrying some kind of beam weapon! #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 5 seconds ago from web
Rockrchick RT@UberPR Flying monkeys are also carrying some kind of beam weapon! #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 5 seconds ago from TweetDeck
ThumperB I’ve decided there is no God.
This is bullshit!
less than 10 seconds ago from Twirl
UberPR Flying monkeys are also carrying some kind of beam weapon! #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 10 seconds ago from web
HappybriefsBasement no good. Mushroom things can dig man! Water is their kryptonite though. Isn’t that gay? #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 10 seconds ago from web
Chknlady Managed to get away from shroomers — kind of like zombies, eh? In stairwell with only one bar. Just in case, I love you Dan!
less than 10 seconds ago from mobile web
Ballbearing12 Their skulls crush so easily.
Sweet.
less than 20 seconds ago from TweeterProbe
Captnjojo @CreamGirl It means the apocalypse. More of a war of the world scenario, really. Suppose fire from landing ships is #biblical. #pocylpse
less than 20 seconds ago from web
50sMama Why there are flying monkeys stuck in my chimney? The little creatures outside really do look like mushrooms. They’ve eaten my cat.
less than 20 seconds ago from web
LandingPartyOne Release cybermorphs!
less than 20 seconds ago from TweeterProbe
Bovatime Goats are negotiating with mushroom people . Cows making a run for it. Both udderly disgraceful.
less than 20 seconds ago from TractorTweet
Handbaglady Flying monkey grabbed new purse. 🙁 Mushroom person eating foot. Looks like Kuato with leprosy and long teeth. Yes, I’ve seen Total Recall.
less than 20 seconds ago from mobile web
ThumperB This sucks. Clearly, I missed the Rapture. I think the mushroom people are devils. #pocylpse
less than 20 seconds ago from Twirl
CreamGirl What does #pocylpse mean?
less than 20 seconds ago from web
Chknlady Weird crtures bitng me!
less than 30 seconds from mobile web
Chknlady Just got up and going for jog.
1 minute ago from mobile web
Captnjojo Looks like this might be an article to read quickly. I don’t like the look of those shroom-dudes. #pocylpse
1 minute ago from web
Happygrrl > @Blobbob You’re OUTING someone at the End of the World? You’re so UNFOLLOWED. #pocylpse
2 minutes ago from TweetDeck
SeePeeOh @DrTundra No. Monkeys. I don’t think you needed to take peyote today. Plus the parking lot is crawling with mushroom people. We’re doomed!
2 minutes ago from mobile web
Blobbob The whole house is shaking. The monkey screaming! I think this is it. I’ve been dying to let everyone know Darren is gay. #pocylpse
2 minutes ago from web
Captnjojo @BolandOR I like the idea of occupying a WalMart. Kind of like Born in the Great WalMart Stand. Story here: http://bit.ly/cImX
2 minutes ago from web
HappyBriefs Won’t be back online for a while. Going to basement! #pocylpse
3 minutes ago from TweetDeck
DrTundra Should the sky be that color? What is that flying through the air? Should I have drunk that peyote shake this morning? #pocylpse
3 minutes ago from web
ThumperB @BolandOR You shouldn’t make fun of the Bible’s prophecies. The Word is real. The Whore is among us!
4 minutes ago from Twirl
50sMoma I think one of those things just attacked the postal worker. Isn’t a shame we can’t say PostMAN anymore?
4 minutes ago from web
DonnaVinci @50sMoma What kind of mushrooms do you use in muffins? Shitaki?
4 minutes ago from web
50sMoma Baking muffins and watching strange things run down the street. Look like mushrooms with legs.
5 minutes ago from web
LandingPartyONE Unleash ground forces.
Keep your fingers away from the cages!
5 minutes ago from TweeterProbe
BolandOR @Beteeee Seriously, a #monkey# apocalypse. What about something #Biblical, like frogs?
6 minutes ago from web
Handbaglady Just bought the most darling handbag at Saks.
6 minutes ago from mobile web
Happybriefs@ Beanlover How about #pocylpse?
6 minutes ago from TweetDeck.
Beanlover What’s the hashtag for this?
6 minutes ago from web
HappybriefsNot an earthquake. But there’s something weird going on out there. Look at the sky!
7 minutes ago from Tweetdeck
LandingPartyONE It is time to release aero-forces. Ensure their “Lasers” are armed.
8 minutes ago from TweeterProbe
Beteeee@BolandOR I am getting SO tired of blithe references to the zombie apocalypse. What if it’s not zombies? What if it’s robots, or monkeys?
7 minutes ago from web
BolandOR Excellent article about how to survive coming zombie #apocalypse. http://bit.ly/SyzBo
8 minutes ago from mobile web
Penguinlover Hi everyone. Just got up and gonna get me some brain food. And coffee!
8 minutes ago from web
LandingPartyONE Set up account.
We are happy.
8 minutes ago from web
UberPR @Happbriefs Yeah, we got it here in Manhattan too. Earthquake?
9 minutes ago from web
Bovatime Cows are acting weird.
Goats too.
10 minutes ago from TractorTweet
Sir Thomas More presents “The Religions of Utopia” (circa 1515) –> slide threetheir most ancient law:
Sir Thomas More:
“A man of an angel’s wit and singular learning. I know not his fellow. For where is the man of that gentleness, lowliness and affability? And, as time requireth, a man of marvelous mirth and pastimes, and sometime of as sad gravity. A man for all seasons.” ~ Robert Whittington (1520, before More’s “pyro” phase)
An Open Letter to Town CouncilDear Councilors:
Your town may have an emergency plan, a development plan, a health plan — it may even have a plan for how to fix the potholes (though I doubt it).
But does it have a plan for how to respond to the technological singularity? Is it preparing for all the new economic opportunities? I suspect not.
Now, some have complained that that technological singularity is the “rapture for nerds”, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. It is the municipal investment opportunity of the ages! Forward-thinking municipal governments can start preparing now, and be ready to reap the rewards of the point in human history when human intelligence is not only exceeded by machine intelligence, but when human intelligence is merged with (or eradicated by) machine intelligence.
You’re thinking: “well, sure I’d love to help get ready for this, but realistically, how do we plan? We don’t even know if regular flesh-and-blood humans will be around to experience the singularity.”
Of course we will!
Ray Kurzweil believes that we’ll be able to model the human brain by 2029, and create algorithms based on those models to allow computers to gain human-like intelligence. But is anyone working on a way for computers to go to bars and get drunk and hook up with other drunken computers so that they can “make a mistake” and then squirt out new computers? I doubt it.
So there you go: invest in light manufacturing. There will definitely be a need for humans to help create our new overlords.
But there’s so many other possibilities! What if the technological singularity is based more on nanotechnology than it is on the gross, large-scale electronics of our current era? Here too, prescient town councils can make good investments for the future. It will certainly be easier for the new machine overlords to replicate themselves in mass quantities if our human immune systems do not fight them at every stage. This leads to so many possible avenues of fruitful research: immune-suppressing drugs, radiation, surgery, bio-engineering, even psychology might (finally) prove itself useful by producing a technique by which humans could allow supra-intelligent nanomachines to use their bodies to reproduce.
We’re only scratching the surface here, obviously.
Many municipalities invest much of their resources in policing and this is an area where they will find huge savings, but only if there is a good interface between humans and our new machine overlords. Apart from the aforementioned research opportunities, municipal governments should begin looking at some kind of cybertronic peace officer corps now, to acclimatize citizens early — after all, an easily controlled citizenry is a productive citizenry! This could be as simple as implanting some kind of control chip in police headgear (hats, caps, flak helmets) to something more radical, such as embedding a semi-live police officers in a mechanical exoskeleton armed with rapid-fire pistols and a loudspeaker-augmented voice.
Municipal leaders should prepare for the darker predictions of how a technological singularity plays out. What if the new machine overlords simply wish to rid themselves of the human population?
There is a simple solution for this problem, and it is summed up in two words: rotating knives.
We’re pretty sure that would never happen, but even if it does, what if you’re the first town to think of it, and sell the process?
Think of the revenue. You could cut taxes. Contact us for more details.
Yours Truly,
Genghis Toon,
President,
Oberdyne Industries, “The Helping Corporation”
Of course, there could be a downside to this too…
