Tag Archives | Apocalypse

Refugees from the Zombie Apocalypse

It was their last refuge — the sea.

Having escaped death at the hands of brain-hungry zombies, these poor people have now had to endure days at sea on this makeshift raft. At first, it was kind of fun. They played “I Spy”, the geography game, and when the seas were calm enough, charades. But then they ran out of food and good spirits. Of the 150 survivors for the zombie apocalypse who got on the raft, only 15 survived the days of madness, starvation, dehydration and an ironic bit of cannibalism.

Then they landed on the coast, where they were eaten by waiting zombies.

Of course, this tale is only a bit less horrible then the historical event it is actually based on. The Raft of the Medusa was painted by the French Romantic painter Théodore Géricault in 1818-1819; he picked this topic because he knew it would be controversial and help to launch his career. The historical event, the scandal it caused, and the painting it inspired are all described in Death and the Masterpiece.

Alltop doesn’t think it should be called cannibalism if you only ate one foot. See the gallery of all the Famous paintings with SF Titles here.

Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#37)

From the Book of iChronicles

The False Prophet called Blue BirdAnd in this time the People shall become like unto the creatures that live in the Earth. The people shall share Tubes and they shall be intertwined, and lo, many will call them the Inter-Tubes and it shall please the people, though they are caught in a Web.

They will forget the Lord and instead, worship the Screen, and the Digit, and they shall share their wantonness thusly.

It shall pass that many of the People shall worship a False Prophet called Blue Bird. And they will be pleased by this Blue Bird, and they shall have the attention span of the newt, and share their brief and simple thoughts in characters of a gross less four. And some will say, lo! here is the Prophet of Blue Bird and its value is a thousand times a million talents!

And the Whale shall visit these Worshippers of the False Prophet, and there will be lamentation, and anxiety, and a great clicking.

The newsy proof is at the Wall Street Journal. Alltop is also worried about Satanic valuations.

Forty-seven signs of the apocalypse (#38)

From the Book of Libations

Bacon-flavoured vodka -- a chocolate bakon martini!Lo! The time shall come and the people shall not concern themselves with the Law. And in this dark time, the people shall crave the flesh of the pig, and many will not care that it is Forbidden.

Verily, many shall be law abiding, but still ingest the unclean creature in a form most alluring. And this Savory Succubus shall take hold of the people, and there will be frying, and the power of the sky will be applied to these strips of meat, and the people will rejoice in the salty evil.

And they shall be called the Days of Bacon.

The Rashers of Lucifer will garnish all kinds of wholesome foods, and make them unclean with their cholesterol and deliciousness.

Hark! The people shall revel in their porcine pleasures, and they shall not be sated by the strips themselves, and they shall Cry for More Bacon. And they shall crave bacon with all. And the Anti-Christ will grin, and say unto the people, “I shall give you bacon in your hooch.”

And there shall be great rejoicing as the people debase themselves with Chocolate Bacon Martinis, and Bacon Rosemary Martinis, and something called an Irish Boar. And they shall wail with pleasure, especially when they taste the Bacon Bloody Mary, as the next seal is broken and the sky turns all stripy and sizzly, and let’s face it, mouth-watering.

The awesome web-based proof. The always-debauched Alltop is waiting for veal-flavoured gin. Originally published August 19, 2009.

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Forty-Seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#40)

From the Book of Jerry

17 Noisy NunsAnd on this day, The Blessed Sisters of Righteousness will curse the local constabulary, and upon them they shall heap scorn. They shall beshrew them with language most colorful, saying they are “spawn of cross-eyed turd farmers” and “tedious conversationalists with halitosis and feet that smell of onion.” Truly, they shall cackle.

And their Most Reverent Mother shall expectorate. Ye, verily, She will Hock a Loogie of the Lord.

So it will be, and on this day, the constabulary shall issue a Written Warning, and they shall be Unrepentant and the Day of Judgment shall be soon after.

Alltop isalso Unrepentant. Thanks to Kevindooley for the Nuns. Originally published June, 2008.

An Unlikely Apocalypse

the womble sisters, post apocalypse

At first, it had seemed possible to continue moving through the desolate landscape on foot, but soon, it was obviously impracticable. Many bad things happened to the people travelling in traditional, bipedal mode: Ether-snakes. Entropic planter fasciitis. Electric sand. (And that was just the ‘e’s.)

Before the catastrophe, everyone thought that Edith and Sally Womble had been insane, going everywhere via giant rubber ball.

But as with all visionaries, they were ostracized, and continued to be, even when it was manifestly apparent that theirs was the only viable mode of locomotion in the aftermath.

Mostly it was because they were just so smug, but Edith’s halitosis didn’t help much either.

Alltop used to date Sally. Twins Sisters have a run on balloons
Brilliant artwork by yves.lecoq