Ye Old Skwib

Research now confirms what I’ve always suspected.

Women may say they want their men to be open, kind and loving, but in reality, it pays to be a little more evil.

Two recent studies show that men with the “dark triad” of personality traits, have much greater success at “short-term mating” (which is how a scientist describes gettin’ some.) What are the “dark triad?” According to the New Scientist, they are: ” the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behavior of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism.”

Okay gents, if you exhibit these traits all the time, eventually, you’ll find yourself getting tar-and-feathered, sent to prison, or becoming the leader of your country. It’s all a matter of degree. However, if you have just a bit of these naughty and let’s face it — extremely sexy behaviors — then you’ll find yourself doing much better with the ladies.

Peter Jonason at New Mexico State University, who headed one of the studies, likens this set of traits (set to “low evil”) to James Bond: “He’s clearly disagreeable, very extroverted and likes trying new things – killing people, new women. Just as Bond seduces woman after woman, people with dark triad traits may be more successful with a quantity-style or shotgun approach to reproduction, even if they don’t stick around for parenting. The strategy seems to have worked. We still have these traits,” Jonason says.

Of course, this is a short-term strategy for spreading genetic material (that’s how a scientist describes busting a nut) and does not guarantee a successful long-term relationship. So all the dark triad blokes are going to end up as that creepy old guy sitting at the pub, telling young women he used to be in the SAS and can kill a man with one punch.

Now if only someone would do a study explaining why women dig the evil triad so much.

The dark triad here at The Skwib are Insanity, Godlessness and humor. Twice. You can find the New Scientist story here.

Unlike many other health studies, which indicate the long list of bad behaviours, addictions and quasi-illegal activities that make up my day-to-day activities will likely kill me, or at least, turn me into a brain-craving zombie (though we prefer “formerly living person”), there was good news out of the Autonomous University of Madrid yesterday. (Not to be confused with the Autoerotic University of Madrid.)

It turns out that coffee is not a killer, and if you drink enough of it, that morning java may actually extend your life. You heard me right! Something that tastes good and gives you a buzz could lengthen your lifespan.

According to the New Scientist:

“The study tracked 129,000 men and women over two decades. It found that people who consumed several cups of coffee every day were less likely to die of heart disease than those who shied away from the stuff. Heart disease is an umbrella term for conditions including heart attacks, stroke, and arrhythmia.”

Woo-hoo! But the usual caveats apply. Don’t start an IV drip of the stuff or drinking coffee instead of sleeping. Be sensible people.

I’m sure there will be more studies, such as the one that showed coffee turns you into a pussy, but I’ll take the any news that allows me to maintain my degenerate lifestyle when I can get it.

Humor-blogs.com drinks just enough to keep their edge, while Alltop is clearly working with some other substance. You can find the full New Scientist story at their site.