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Archive | January, 2008

Sunday O-Rama!

By on January 20, 2008 in General Skwib

Pig slicing himself upTwo excellent Carnivals ahoy: The Carnival of the Insanities! Carnivalesque!

There is something just wrong with the ad (to left). Why is the pig slicing himself up? And why does he seem so happy about it? And if you think the self-slicing pig is creepy, wait until you see the other 9 of these 10 Creepiest Old Ads. I have to say, the second ad down (you’ll need to skip the actual ad for “stump the chef”) is more than creepy. It’s kind of prophetic.

The 6 Types of Commenters is an excellent start to the important new field of Blog Comment Theory. Found at an excellent list of things to check out at Best Humor Blogging Links #4. And, of course, you can always find more to read at humor-blogs.com.

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (The Model Parliament Edition)

By on January 18, 2008 in The Lost PowerPoints

Edward IEdward I presents “Hammering Scots is Expensive” (circa 1295) –> Slide 3

  • the War Wolf
  • largest trebuchet ever built
  • but it can hurl 300 lb stones a great distance
  • even Scots afraid of it
  • but dear, so I’ll call Parliament to get taxes.

Edward I presents “Parliament Summons” (circa 1295) –> Slide 1

  • what touches all
  • should be approved by all
  • common dangers met by common agreement.

Edward I presents “Parliament Summons” (circa 1295) –> Slide 2

I need taxes to:

  • hammer Scots
  • flay French
  • wail on Welsh insurgents.

Edward I presents “Parliament Summons” (circa 1295) –> Slide 4

  • seven earls
  • 42 barons
  • one proctor for every cathedral
  • two clerics of each diocese.
  • two knights of each shire
  • two citizens of each city
  • two burgesses of each borough to be elected
  • and the King (me), naturally.

Geoffrey, Burgess of Bury St.-Pluperfect presents “Quid Pro Quo” (circa 1295) –> Slide 5

  • wonderful having been invited and elected to Parliament
  • we will have given Your Majesty taxes
  • after you have already address our grievances.

Edward I presents “Bugger” (circa 1295) –> Only slide

  • I have to be accountable?
  • What have I started?

The Model Parliament: another step towards English democracy. These dudes didn’t have anything to do with it.

Excruciating Album Cover Art: From Looking Hard Pressed

By on January 18, 2008 in But is it art?, Skwibby fiction

From Looking Hard Pressed Featuring freakish kewpie dolls on the misguided cover of “From Looking Hard Pressed”, you have to wonder why the British hardcore punk band, 1892 in Association Football, didn’t call themselves Freakish Kewpie Dolls, because that would be a much cooler name.

It’s also a wonder how their fans didn’t end up calling the album “Good for One Drink”, as it appears so prominently on the cover, and is also one of the tracks on the 1982 album, recorded entirely in the men’s toilet of the Elysium Smegma Club in their hometown of Cheltenham, Gloucestershire (UK).

The shrieking feedback, relentlessly fast-tempo and background noise of drunken Cheltenhamers vomiting warm ale make it good music to listen to while attacking teenagers with a chainsaw. Indeed, the music will have you looking quite hard pressed. For the most part, the lyrics are thankfully actually quite unintelligible, but for anyone unlucky enough to find a copy of this album with the liner notes intact, they can sing along to such tunes as: “Oi! Bromley Football Club Licks My Nads”, “Droylsden F.C. Cock-biters (Oi! Oi! Oi!)”, “Liverpool Sex Salad”, “Slavia Prague Onion Ass-Fecker”, and “Newcastle United Bog Toon Ticklers.”

We won’t bother you with any actual lyrics, but these lads certainly were obsessed with football clubs founded in 1892. Clearly, they were also rabid Cheltenham Town supporters.

You can find more excruciation at humor-blogs.com, and you can thank The Frogster for eliciting this meme. (Yes, that means this cover is made up.) If you’re reading this, have a blog, and have time to waste, consider yourself tagged. You can find the rules at The Frog Bog.

Assman’s Balloon — Giant Floating Rubber with Payload

By on January 17, 2008 in Hinky History

Assman's Balloon

“A German meteorologist named Assman improved on the concept by using closed rubber balloons that would burst at high altitude, with the payload parachuting back down to earth.”
–Greg Gobel, Pioneering the Balloon

Too many jokes… About to assplode …

Watch out for the payload!

More excellent photos at the Library of Congress Flickr Pages. More “ass” “men” at humor-blogs.com

The Carnival of Satire (#92)

By on January 17, 2008 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#92) -- guy sitting on wing of planeWelcome to the travel edition of the Carnival of Satire. We haven’t been on a plane for a few months, so we were surprised to see the new overflow seating policy of Air Canada. (Pictured to the left.)

Chris Christensen starts off this fortnight’s satire with these 7 Outrageous Predictions for Travel in 2008.

Madeleine Begun Kane takes us on a poetical politics ride with this funny A Liar’s Haiku and a limerick crying for sanity: Dear Editor: Enough With The Polls, Already!.

DWSUWF has run a grand social experiment in identity: what would happen if a Democrat became a Republican in San Fancisco? Find out in Republican Like Me

Stop the presses. Damian G. breaks this news: Ron Paul disavows bigoted statements written on campaign blimp..

Quelqoth reports on the Comfy Chair Fiasco.

But back to Republicans. Bagel has coined a new phrase and put it on a toke bag: “You say ‘lemming’ like that’s a bad thing.” Sorry, toTe bag.

The Offended Blogger has begun the Oh, Bloody Hell Offensive (against the testosterone travel industry, we think).

200motels presents Mexican wrestling: CHUCHA LIBRE!.

Sidhusaaheb has a modest proposal: Auction the Bharat Ratna!.

Speaking of India, Jason X presents The Onshore Alternative.

And the LOLcat phenomenon has now also branched out to Animal Planet, thanks to The Silent LOL.

Andrew Hendel believes he has the Top 10 Best Reasons To Not Work Out at the Gym, but the list neglects the most important reason — they don’t serve beer!

Steve has an entertaining and sarcastic review of The Year in Television 2007 .

And if all of this wasn’t enough, we have also learned that LOBO hates Hittites. Just sayin.

And that’s it for this edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, humor-blogs.com, and at the Blog Carnival too. A special thanks to Odegaard for his excellent Photoshop work.

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Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t believe they exist.

By on January 16, 2008 in But is it art?, Odd Science

Giant ratNow that is a rat.

From the New Scientist story:

A 1-tonne rodent has been discovered by scientists in Uruguay. But there is no need to worry, Josephoartigasia monesi is around 2 million years old and fossilized.

By comparing the skull’s dimensions to the body sizes of existing rodents, the researchers determined that its owner probably weighed about 1000 kilograms, making it the world’s largest known rodent.

Bigger, even, than Walt Disney.

We’re not sure these guys exist either.