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Salathial Turgid, Hanging Judge

By on February 4, 2008 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

Salathial Turgid, Hangin' Judge

The O’Reilly Boys finally caught up with Old Judge Turgid at the Annual Pecos River Ride and Chili Jamboree. Salathial had hung their older brother Seamus “The Tinkle” O’Reilly just the year before and they were plum angry.

But Old Judge Turgid, he didn’t mind none. In addition to having a giant noggin’ that made his ten-gallon hat look like a Boston dandy’s bowler, Salathial Turgid had a legendary intestinal track capable of containing the very vapors of Hell.

He knew it. The O’Reilly Boys knew it. And the terrified denizens of Pecos knew it.

So when they put the Colt up against his temple, he laughed and said, “Boys, the only thing keeping my sphincter shut is my continued vo-lition. I’d give you the count of ten to va-moose but I suspect one of the town-folk will kill you first.”

Thanks to Michelle Jones for her creative photo and to the Hole-in-the-Mattress Gang.

Carnival of Satire (#91)

By on January 3, 2008 in Carnival of Satire

Toothy alienWelcome to the first Carnival of Satire for 2008, the Light-Year of the Alien. Basically, the blogosphere is like Manhattan in the Men in Black movies. Sure, we pretend that we’re normal people, but bloggers everywhere are freaks, exhibitionists, and certainly extraterrestrial in nature. Sometimes, we’re even satirical.

Daniel Brenton blows the lid off Operation Majestic Twelve in the second episode of The Round Files: The George W. Bush MJ-12 Briefing

David Mills makes good use of his audio editing software and presents this anti-Semitic rant from Ann Coulter. (I mean, come on, for sure she’s an alien.)

Madeleine Begun Kane believes there is an alien conspiracy in Arkansas, and she Won’t Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee.

Brent Diggs and the good people at Ominous Comma Industries have a new product for us meta-galactic mutants looking for love, promising: Copious Comments – Guaranteed.

Thomas K presents MUTE Politics. Surely there’s an Earth drinking game somewhere in here?

Sammy Benoit is channeling some kind of Ambrose Bierce-like ET in this Middle East Peace RAW SEX TALK.

gameguy presents the news that Cheney’s Biscuits Are Burning.

Usiku presents an alien’s perspective on Understanding Underwriting

Keith_R tackles the surreal (off-world) language of the business world in: The Top 12 Phrases I Hate in 2007.

And while the jet warms up, Dan Johnson figures that Gift Cards are Ruining The Holidays and has reasons why. (Just replace the word “gas” with the word “space” in this post, and you’ll see he’s an alien too.)

And that’s it for the alien edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, the Blog Carnival, and the good denizens of Planet Humor-Blogs too. A special thanks to Garrette for his toothy alien.

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Blogger ponders on things instead of musing about them (redux)

By on December 8, 2007 in Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

Variety of cogitation used on weblogsHAMILTON, Ontario (The Skwib) — The blogosphere is still reeling from the revelation that a blogger has been pondering things instead of musing about them.

“Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time musing, in fact, the tagline from my blog used to be ‘muted musings from Jeff’s tasty trumpet” — clever, eh? But . . . I don’t know, it just seemed like it was time to, you know, start pondering instead,” Jeffrey Trumpeter told The Skwib in an early morning phone interview.

Trumpeter runs “Assorted Cream Fillings (pudding-like ponderings from Jeffrey’s pastry pan),” a blog devoted to his interest in cats, Boston Cream Donuts, hockey, politics and humor he describes as either “quirky” or “explosive”.

read the rest of this article in The Skwib archives …>

Or try humor-blogs.com, but you won’t find it there.

Is Mozart still alive?

By on December 5, 2007 in But is it art?, Hinky History

cartoon of Mozart with rainbow wigAnd is he wearing one of those rainbow clown wigs?

One of the premises of my first novel is that Mozart is alive and well. (And living in the future, where clown wigs, political posturing, and human stupidity have been eradicated.)

In the book, Mozart spends a lot of his time playing jazz piano, considering sex-change operations, and falling in love with lesbian nurses, but how does he support these diverting hobbies? By selling “lost” Mozart manuscripts through auctioneers such as Sotheby’s.

Kinda like the one they sold yesterday:

A leaf in Mozart’s hand with cadenzas written for the Sinfonia Concertante in E flat, one of his first masterpieces, sold Tuesday for £110,900 ($230,550) at auction in London.

The full story is on the CBC.ca site. You can get the book directly from the ENC Press site, or at Alibris.

Carnival of Satire (#88)

By on November 22, 2007 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#88)Welcome to the gobbler version of the Carnival of Satire. We didn’t receive many submissions this week, so we have stuffed this issue with a mix of the few submitted bits of satire, parody from the nuts on our blogroll and a few tasty nuggets of irony from bloggers at humor blogs.

We begin with this savory piece by the Electric Writer about the dangers of writing while drinking copious amounts of coffee. By the way, beer can also cause one to be toilet enraged.

If you haven’t graced your palette with some of the exotic fare at Ration Reality, then you are in for a treat, especially if you also think that Shirley Temple is Creepy.

Over at Point Five, they were shocked — shocked — to discover a dude enjoying a chick flick, but this is just a sign of the crisis of gynemovia sweeping North America.

And if you needed further proof of this crisis, look no farther than Hurty Elbow, who blows the lid off Phireblanks, the male contraceptive.

Mental Mosaic is convinced that James Watson has had a big scoop of jungle fever.

The Prezel has breaking news about the Hollywood Writers’ strike that you should not miss on this day of thanks.

This demonstration of a Venn Diagram, by Mr. Sun, while not holiday-related, is quite helpful.

And while on the topic of diagrams, you may find the wedgie-vs-fashion Venn at the brilliant blog, Indexed, a pinch.

What are those kids up to? Have they found makeup?

Blog D’Ellison has a satirical tour of art history with this 100-word take on Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory”.

And finally, we hope you have a much less harrowing feast than these folks: Dinner Guests Survive Unsolicited Tour of House.

And that’s it for the gobbler edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting to the next edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too.