Visit Humor-Blogs and other shameless promotions

Every time you masturbate, God kills a kittenYou may have noticed a new button deep down on The Skwib sidebar, showing this famous picture. Click on it and visit Humor-Blogs.com, an aggregator of blogs that concentrate on teh funny. This is the brainchild of Diesel, who hosts the hilarious blog, Mattress Police — Antisocial Commentary. He’s also written a book, and it will be available later this week. You should get a copy! (After you’ve purchased THE AMADEUS NET, of course.)

And if you’ve got a humor blog, you should definitely consider joining. Not only will you be part of an elite cadre of chuckle-meisters, you will have the chance to have these highly intelligent, well-dressed, nice-smelling folks rip your blog to shreds in a fair and balanced review. (Was that enough groveling?)

Mr. Woo’s Wonderful Automatons

Mr. Woo's wonderful automatons Lest you think The Skwib is anti-Chinese, you must go check out this marvelously inventive man from China, Mr. Woo. [YouTube clip]

He makes a living farming, but he has the heart of an inventor (a Chinese tradition, really, considering gunpowder, pasta, astronomy, map-making, etc, were all first created there). He has invented his own line of robots, including one that pulls a rickshaw. (I love that Mr. Woo has invented the rickshaw (Mr. Woo 26) to placate his wife after he inadvertently burned their house down with a previous edition — the dreaded Mr. Woo 22.)

So, The Skwib is in favor Chinese people, particularly those like Mr. Woo who exhibit the nobility of the human spirit. Not so keen on the Chinese government, which is more concerned with repressing the human spirit, particularly if they’re Tibetan.

(Via NewScientist, via BoingBoing.)

The Carnival of Satire (#80)

The Carnival of Satire (#80)From the Beijing Olympics, to Russian interference at the North Pole, this Carnival of Satire has an international flavor, and speaking of flavor, we begin with a hilarious review of The Food Network from Riding with Rickey.

Conservathink has disturbing, less-than-jolly breaking news: Following Russian claim of Arctic sea bed, Santa Claus falls ill; President Putin denies culpability.

We’re a year away from the Olympics in China, and Madeleine Begun Kane has The Real Poop on Chinese exports.

You can find a few of our own satirical take on the next Summer Olympics in our Beijing Olympic mascot series for new Chinese demonstration “sports”: Tibetan Dissident Bi-athalon, Organ Relay, Hu Flung Falun Gong? (pictured at left), Forced Sterilization Footy and Press Clubbing.

Speaking of atrocities, Hurty Elbow examines the issue of photo retouching in the magazine industry, with this Redbook cover (if Redbook and retouching had been around during the time daVinci painted Mona Lisa). Continue Reading →

The Lost Power Point Slides (Armada Edition)

The Battle of GravelinesKing Phillip II presents “The English Are Pigs” (circa 1588) –> slide 6

  • Murdered Mary Queen of Scots
  • Keep burgling my Possessions in the New World
  • They smell like trotters
  • (And worship Satan, according to my good buddy, the Pope).

Media Sidonia presents “But I don’t want to be an admiral” (circa 1588) –> slide 3

  • I agree, English are perfidious scum
  • Pirates
  • Protestants
  • But you know I get seasick.

Sir Francis Drake presents “Just bowl, damn your eyes!” (circa July 20, 1588) –> only slide

  • Look, I’m playing bowls here
  • We’ve already done them at Cadiz easily
  • There’s lots of time to finish this end and beat the Spanish
  • Now watch me touch the jack
  • No, not you, you pillock, the little white ball!

Lord Howard of Effingham presents “That bloody pirate” (circa August 8, 1588) –> slide 2

  • Yes, Drake did a nice job scattering the Spanish fleet with fire ships
  • And he did well getting the weather gauge and beating them at Gravelines
  • Shouldn’t have stopped his pursuit to capture the Spanish galleon ‘Rosario’, even if it was loaded with gold.

Spanish Sailor Sergio Manandez presents “Ireland looks good” (circa late August, 1588) –>only slide

  • Made it around Scotland
  • Hurricane
  • Can’t swim
  • No anchor
  • Looking forward to running aground in Ireland
  • I’ve heard they’re friendly.

Queen Elizabeth I presents “No guts, no glory” (circa August 8, 1588) –>slide six

  • Joined you here in Tilbury
  • To live or die with you
  • Have body of weak woman
  • But heart and stomach of a King
  • (And you’ll recall my father had quite a stomach.)

Anniversary of the Battle of Gravelines (August 8, 1588), when English defeated the Spanish Armada …. Okay, partially defeated the Armada. The weather did the rest.

Red Juggernaut

Red JuggernautFirst built by Dr. Ernest Malifico in the pre-Euclidian Dynamic Structure Era, the Red Juggernaut is by far JBM’s best-selling business mechanical.

Though primarily used to terrorize non-compliant nation-states of that time, evil overlords have found many other uses for the Red Juggernaut.

Modern business collections agencies have found it especially effective, and it is a standard piece of equipment in hostile takeover bids. NaziWorks 3000, for example, has a fleet of 12 million Red Juggernauts.

From Toulouse Le Grandfig in the Land of the Future.