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Carnivivial

By on March 27, 2006 in General Skwib

Thanks to everyone who hosts carnivals — it’s a big job, but it makes the bloggy world much more interesting. In particular, thanks to the following for including The Skwib:

Introducing Professor Quippy: The Skwib’s Science Guy

By on March 24, 2006 in Odd Science

Professor Quippy: Our Science GuyOvercompensating in Hollywood

If you’ve ever thought that male Hollywood stars might be overcompensating for something, then you’re right. Low sperm counts! A new survey of LA men shows that smog is not only bad for the lungs, it’s bad for the boys. Don’t get too smug New Yorkers … you’ve got smog too. New Scientist story: Ozone spikes hit men where it hurts

Force 10 Irony Alert!

Did you know that tuberculosis, affectionately known as “TB”, has it’s own day? That’s right. It’s today! And this report from The Globe and Mail says that cute-as-a-button TB is more virulent than ever. Oh, look, it’s just wiped out one in seven patients, isn’t that adorable? Maybe if we gave it two days, it would behave.

Own low-lying coastal property? My advice is sell!

Not only is it going to get hotter, it’s going to get wetter. Now, to paraphrase Robin Williams (as Adrian Cronauer), that’s nice if you’re pitching woo with a special friend, but not so good if you own property near Boca Raton. And it may happen sooner than we originally thought. Old and busted thinking. New (scary) hotness.

When robotic urinals attack

By on March 24, 2006 in But is it art?, Odd Science

Robotic urinal attacks!Last weekend Dr. Maximillian Tundra was lucky enough to go away for the weekend on a roadtrip with his buddies.

It was nearly the last thing he ever did.

After stopping for a delightful (if artery-hardening) breakfast buffet at the Husky station near London, Max decided that he should use the facilities before they hit the road.

It was an automated bathroom, and something bad was happening to them. The urinal was okay, but the faucets had Max doing a routine reminiscent of Lucille Ball. They were the kind that have little sensors that detect when you’re hands are underneath them, and only dispense water when they are. Unless they’re losing their little robotic minds, or, they’re fucking with you.

In which case, the one you’re hands are under doesn’t work. The one NEXT to you on the right does. So you move over to that faucet and basin — just like Dr. Tundra did — and then it stops.

And the one you were just at starts up.

Repeat several times until you get your hands wet enough to wash and then proceed to the drying stage.

At first, Dr. Tundra was baffled by the paper towel dispenser. Continue Reading →

Did I ever mention I’ve got a novel published?

By on March 23, 2006 in But is it art?

The Amadeus NetHey, it just occurred to me (hi, Mark here) that I’ve been happily plugging away at The Skwib for nearly a year without mentioning my book again. Okay, there’s an ad about it on the sidebar, but we all ignore those, right?

It’s called The Amadeus Net, and it’s a lot more entertaining than this blog. It’s a futuristic satire about Mozart not getting his “sprouter” snipped off, nuclear war and cross-dressing Englishmen. You can buy it directly from the publisher ENC Press (or from the Ontario Library Association if you live in Canada).

OR, you could try to win a copy by sending a gut-busting fake news story to I Got News For You (.com), who has launched a contest in what I can only guess is a rarefied field. Certainly a few of the regular contributors to the Carnival of Satire would have a shot. Details here.

Or, if you plan to give it a great review on your website, and tell all your friends about it, I’ll send you a copy. Seriously. Email me here.

The Carnival of Satire (#26)

By on March 23, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire #26So this is officially half a year we’ve been doing this, and if this week’s generally excellent submissions are any indication, we’ve just gotten started. We are especially pleased to see more satire from across the political spectrum, and practically breathless to see satire that points out the foibles of multiple parties at once. So on to the Carnival of Satire before we pass out:

We’re not sure, but it seems to me that Dean Swift at A Swiftian Rant may have not gotten his research cleared by the ethics committee. Dr. Tundra was glad Mr. Swift did not, because he was greatly amused by Bored to Flames.

Joan Conde at Mamacita is way excited, because now we can Celebrate “National Buy a Gun Day”.

Imagine if Dashiell Hammett wrote the Hardy Boys. Okay, now go read The Case Of The Origami Taco by El Capitan at Baboon Pirates.

We enjoy it so much when everyone is made fun of at the same time… Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables does it so adroitly in Russ Feingold Verse.

You see, here’s another one where everybody gets it. “a4g” at Point Five discovers the ying to the yang in its reportage of a Study: Self-Reliant Kids Grow Up To Be Whiny Liberals.

Jon Swift at Jon Swift has discovered President Bush’s Secret Plan for Winning the War in Iraq. And now the debacle all makes sense!

Big Cajun Man (aka Alan), at Canadian Financial Advice and Rants, has a link to a very funny bit of video from Rick Mercer (who despite thinking the Canadian PM is a “stand-up” guy, still does good satire) — Tax Time: Knee in my Package?

LYT at Pererro produces some day-umn funny stuff in this Exclusive scene from “A Short Story: The Movie”.

Tommy at Striving For Average has discovered The Code Pink Plan. (He makes this look easy, but Mark is pretty sure it’s not.) Continue Reading →

Toulouse Le Grandfig: The Homunculus Brothers

By on March 22, 2006 in But is it art?, General Skwib, Toulouse Le Grandfig

the brilliant homunculus brothersEveryone knew the Homunculus Brothers were freakin’ brilliant.

Little Mao was a born leader; they would hear great things from him one day for sure.

The next oldest, Zin, did cat-torture murals that could bring a tear to the eye. The youngest, Sun, was a shy one, but nobody had ever heard of a 3-year-old solving 97-digit square roots in their heads before.

And Raymond? Well, he was ‘special’.

[From the Toulouse Le Grandfig Collection]